I thought I`d post a short story today, as I`ve been too busy to blog!
A Gin & Tonic
The G&T slipped down rather nicely. My feet were sore, and I had rested them on a nearby chair, whilst my back was being soothed by a rather lovely leather sofa. Yes! This is the life, soothe away your worries, have an away day trip! I had, and did, and was moved to a smile of shear bliss.
"Two years earlier"
I was brought back to earth with the proverbial bump. "Have you put the rubbish out dear?" The over riding emphasis, was on the "dear". She was an expressive lady, of modest years, and had developed the rather unnerving habit of looking straight at you, and at the same time, raising her chin up and letting the pause in the conversation cause me to sweat! While at the same time folding her arms in an aggressive manner.
I had needed a cleaner, as my previous wife had ran off with the local vet. She said that he had a far better action than I had! God knows what she meant. Still beggars cant be choosers, and that after a considerable period of mourning, I had advertised for a live in houskeeper. There were no takers! For four weeks I had waited for the right one. Then as I was about to give up, Rose appeared.
I had forsworn off women, and decided that I should remain celibate. The main reason was that all the women in my life had left me, and I felt let down.
Difficult decision, especially being at the awkward age of fifty five! Rose, had changed all that, she was alluring, confident, and a delight to look at. Made your heart soar, as it were.
After she had been working for some weeks, and after she had taken over the house............car...........accounts..............and every other mortal thing I had once owned! I had decided that the time had come for a change of scenery.
But that was at the beginning. that was two years ago, and a lifetime of pain had gone by. Rose had even decided that my trips to the pub, had to stop! I mean, thats the limit! But as a man in some sort of infernal spell, I agreed. Why? I`ll never know, I can only assume it has to do with sex. That, I have to say, was pretty damn good. In fact it was becoming too often and to strenuous. Rose apetite seemed to increase as the months rolled on. The only place I was safe from Rose, was in the stables. My two horses, both mares, had taken an instant dislike to her, when after a short attempt at hacking out with me, she had berated one mare and even used a crop on her. Of course she picked the wrong mare! This was demonstrated, by Rose hurtling out of the stable door, which was open, head first! The mare had applied some neat footwork to Roses body. This resulted in peace and quiet for a few days
I took this period of calm to begin my new life, a life without Rose. First to be returned to the fold, was my bank accounts, a visit to the bank manager, and a signature here and there, ensured that Rose access to my money was stopped. The next thing to be done was, change the car, and get a new one, but to be kept at a friends house, and finally? How does one remove a "harpies" house keys?
Easy! Kill her!
It came to me in an instant! But it always had. I was thinking of how to get her keys, as she kept them on her person all the time. Even while in bed! Yep true! They were always on the bedside table. Rose had an alarm built in to her brain, she woke up at the slightest sound.
What to do? But I was right, yes, kill her! But how?
This was a taxing thought, it had to look like an accident, but how?................................How does one make a murder look like an accident? I felt that maybe I was being stupid, and then I heard the shrill cry from the beroom," Get me some tea dear?" This had to stop. It was always the same.
I spent some time in the stables going over a possible plan, even the mares leant over the partition and held there heads, as if in deep thought. Then it came to me, why an accident, why not just kill her, batter her, or even shoot her, well maybe.
It was after Rose had recovered somewhat, and she was crossing the landing, from the bedroom to the toilet. I was standing beside her, and there was this drop! It looked awesome! Without thinking, and without another thought, my hands moved outward and pushed her away from me..........she fell, then tumbled, and continued her downward roll to the foot of the stairs. Just before she landed, I heard the sickening crack of a bone breaking. It was sickening, but intrigueing, I leapt down the stairs, carefully stepping over what seemed to be the lifeless body of my beloved.
Reaching down and touching her neck for a pulse, ........I tried again, shit! There it was, faint, but unmistakable. A pulse. Rose eyes opened, I stepped back in shock, thinking quickly, I said, " What happened?. There was no immediate reply, I neednt have worried, because as she tried to speak, frothy blood oozed from her mouth, and as the lips trembled, I saw the eyes begin to glaze over. Death was ever present.
I watched as the life left her, a sigh of relief slipped from my throat.
I didnt remove the body for two days, thats right two days! Well, the horses needed fed and excersised. I sold the house and moved to a rather more elegant country house, with a goodly amount of out buildings, and plenty of space. t Looking back now, the police were very good, after I called them, they were more interested in why Rose had gone, and why I had bothered them about a known gossip. Still they were helpful, they even recommended a good knackerman. When I said that one of my mares had died, they were so understanding, especially the female officer.
But then they reminded me that if the horse was a pet, I could bury her on my own land! And so it was that the bay mare, "Rose", was laid to rest in a nearby field!
The G&T, had finished, another one was called for, and as I watched both mares roll and enjoy there new field, I was a happy man.
But I did need another houskeeper, as the house was rather big. Oh! and by the way, another unexpected gift from the late Rose, was that she left no dependants, and the life insurance company, couldnt find a next of kin, that is until I showed them her will!
Isnt life odd.
Fancy keeping house for me? I pay well, and the retirement plan is good.