If it could happen it will………To those prophetic words, I commend this tale.
Fathers Day has come and gone, but all in all it was pretty good. I mean, there was harmony. Everyone seemed to be on good terms, and the day went well, each of my daughters, had spared no expense, cards, chocolates, and good wishes! Now, I am not one for chocolate, well, not really! …………It is just a solid mass of brown gooey, sweet beautiful stuff!
It stayed on the sideboard all day, four bars of Dairy Milk Chocolate. All day, never moved, I felt proud of myself! I am on a diet you know! Have been since Winter ceased. ( Sort of!) The horse has noticed the difference, I have, my trousers no longer bite into that ever expanding waistline! No bread, potatoes, biscuits etc. I have been a good boy! Oh yes! However, as the day wore on………….
Agitation, is not something I enjoy, I start to pace, look for stuff to do, bite my nails.(whats left!) generally feel ill at ease. Well wouldnt you? Four half pound bars of solidly beautiful dairy Milk Chocolate? Of course my OH, she chided me on the evils of coveting! Which I took to mean that she had her eye on at least one bar!!
But all in all, it was a good day! ………I distinctly remember reminding my girls, “ No chocolate please this year!! I am dieting!” Fatal words. In my paranoiac state, I must have thought that my only two lovely children would want to eat the Candy they bought for me! Knowing full well I was on a diet! How can a parent think that, eh?
No not me. Later that evening. Much later. In fact it was after midnight, around that time, when the “Munchies” take hold. And they only do that because they know you have something extraordinarily wonderful, lying waiting to be eaten!! Aarrgghhh!
In my state of hunger, fixated paranoia, and with malice aforethought! I manfully made my way from the bedroom, where my OH was laying, (or so I thought, it was dark!) out through the door, and along the hall. In the dark, I could dimly make out a shadow, there in the low light, the shadow was dancing across the lounge wall! A lithe looking creature it was, hunched and holding its hands to its shadow face! The cat? The dog? One of the horses?……….I burst into the lounge, not a moment too soon! All my senses told me I had been duped!
It was sorrowfully true! My Oh? Oh yes! Her lips stained with the tell tale chocolate!………….She of the “I never touch the stuff!” Was now reclining on the sofa, with the look of the Sphinx! “Well whats a girl to do?” She intoned.
“Move over!” I said!
The following day was one of terrible regret. The evidence was clear to all! Silver foil, covered the floor, chocolate wrappers everywhere! But worst of all? Was the beeping of my mobile phone. There on the screen for me to see, was a text. It read,”Eaten it all then, Dad?” Oh the shame! How could my daughters know me so well??