Manners Maketh The Man!

I have noticed recently, that there is a lack of moral fibre in this Country of ours! Not only that but a sad lack of manners.
I tell you this, because I have become a victim of the current attitude, known colloquially as “stuff you!”.

While mounting my delightful Grey, I was accosted by a half wit, in an automobile. It was one of those crappy little things, a Porsche, I believe! We were on a side road, and I, having had to dismount to partake of a nature call, was upon the point of completion and was putting “my old man” back, when the zip had caught slightly on the tail of my brand new hand sewn shirt.
While trying to extricate myself from this unsightly situation, my horse side stepped across the narrow side road, blocking it.

I could hear the rattle and roar of an automobile getting closer, and when it rounded the nearby corner, was immediately reminded of the scene in Toad of Toad Hall, where Toad steals a motor car!

I was finally able to conceal my embarrassment, when the motor car hove to. There was a squeal of brakes, and my horse, startled, jumped side ways, and unfortunately sat on the bonnet of the motor car. It was apparent to me that, while the insufferable little cove, who was driving the motor car was apoplectic with rage, my mare was possibly suffering from shock, or worse.!

What is a chap to do? There was I out on the Queens Highway, on horse, and minding my own business, and this happens! Pah! I strode manfully towards the little oik! Pointing my crop at him, I let him have both barrels! “How dare you!”, I began. “ How dare you drive like a damn fool, along the Highway like that, don’t you know that other people may be on it?” The reply from the tremulous little tic, was a stream of curses and epithets, the like of which one does not hear in the best drawing rooms, I can tell you!
Not to be out done, I began,” You little oik! How dare you impune my mother, she was married!”, still unbowed, I persisted. “ You are here by licence, I am here by right!” It was then my temper got the better of me. Not content with a verbal bashing, I proceeded to grab the unsightly little Toad by his shirt front, and drag him from behind the steering wheel of his automobile.

It would appear that, upon reflection, it was not my best move. No, I fear that my tirade, has cost me dear. But, I did get the last word in, as I was dragging the little parasite out of the vehicle, he shouted, “Stuff you, you b*****d!” It was at that point that, I fear, the Marquis of Queensberry rules were not entirely observed! The rest has now passed into local newspaper history, and as I languish, at Her Majesties pleasure, the saddest part of it all, was my dear wife, she who must be obeyed! For twas her as sitting magistrate, who hath cast me down.

I therefore must ask you all,” Does one know of a good Solicitor?”

Yours Truly

The Right Hon. Wilfred B. Saddlesnatch Esq.