“Oh No! Not again! Here he comes!” I`ll bet he wants to go on another one of his rides, why doesnt he go himself? You would think, that he might consider me! I might not want to go. Does he have any consideration for me? No! He thinks I need to get out more, exercise, get some muscle tone! Who needs it? There I was quite happy, hay in my net and water in that green thing in the corner.Thats another thing! The colour of this bucket!! Green? Yuck! Its just too hideous by half!
Why only the other day, I was minding my own business, as you do, when up he comes, quite the thing, and without so much as a “by your leave”, sticks a chunk of metal in my Gob!, it was so cold! Then he throws a load of cold leather on my back, and then has the temerity to climb on board!! I mean really!
Shortly after that, I find myself being walked around in ever decreasing circles,Ok, so he is really quite sweet, but honestly where is the speed, the gallop, the fun! And here`s another thing! He is right now telling me to accelerate. When I was younger, he was always trying to squeeze the air out of me. My ribs got so sore! No thought at all!
Oh thank god, we are on the road! Now we might be going some where, he never tells me where! He just tugs on that chunk of metal. Mind you I have noticed its not as bad as it used to be! I got him to stop that carry on, just by slipping my tongue over the metal bar in my mouth! I did it a few times, while on the trail, makes him stop and get off my back! Works every time! It makes these Humans think a bit! You see they have a really short attention span! The thing is you see, if you do these things, he ends up doing what I want!!!
Oh look! We are off again, I`ll try that one again today, just to keep him on his toes. Ooh Look! An open field, here we go a good gallop! Oh hang on! He`s adjusting himself, what a palaver! Does he think I`d be interested in that? I know this field! He had me canter this field every day for a week, to get me fit for an Endurance ride! Well now then! This is payback time!
I`ll let him canter me down the field edge, and as he turns right at the bottom, as he always does, I`ll suddenly stop, and drop my outside shoulder! That will teach him! The secret is not to give your rider any indication of your intentions, if he`s clever he`ll stay on! But not usually! When he`s on the ground, just look completely disinterested, and pretend to graze! Works at treat! Right here we go! Down the field, going nicely now, just a few more strides,……and turn, drop the shoulder, Oh look! There he goes! Doesnt he look shocked! He really needs a parachute …..aww! he`s landed in a muddy pool! Poor thing!
Its at this stage, your rider might want to go home, but not mine! Oh No! He loves it, the harder I am on him, the more he loves it! He comes back for more! Crazy Human. He`s hurt himself, aww shame! Now while he is not so confident, we`ll let him back on board, then we`ll drop in a few Cat jumps, and maybe we`ll stop suddenly at the famous Rock Monsters!!
By the time I`m finished with him, he`ll go along with anything, here we go, he`s turning for home, “There`s a good boy!” Ah the stable! Up we go, onto the yard, he`s awfully quiet? But there`s one training technique left to teach him.
There we are, he`s stopped and got off, we will wait until he unsaddles me. Thats it! His hands are full, here we go, step forward, carefully smile, rub my head on his shoulder………and push! There he goes flat on his back!……Works a treat! he looks so sorry for himself……….he does look cute though! I`ll go again tomorrow!