Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Clanger`s Demise!

“Clanger”, whom you will know doubt remember, from a recent post!  Unfortunately met his/her demise today.  I say this with a heavy heart, not least, because I am not  a“natural born killer”, no!  I found the body, lying on its back, feet in the air, and stiff as a board!
Poor soul, my eyes are filling with tears of remorse for this delightful creature. Its soft furry face, large ears, velvety to the touch, and those whiskers? Aaahhh! ((Sob!)) 
How may you ask? Well?…………..I was sitting in my faux wicker chair, idly perusing the latest blogs, when out of the corner of my eye, I espied a sharp movement to my left, just by the whisky!  Had he/she, seen me, see him/her?  I couldnt tell!  But I watched, and sure enough a little later, there “it “ was!  A little taller than I remember, and somewhat more ferocious!  In fact, as I sat watching him/her, watching me, watching him/her  (ok! thats enough!)  I noticed that the mouse, was carrying what appeared to be a Corkscrew type thingy! (uh?)
Immediately! Alarm bells began to ring, aha! This chap is after my stash!  Well he wont get it!  …………………Quick as a flash, he/she was shimmying up the Oak sideboard leg! Straight into the sideboard!  In total terror, (of losing the whisky!)  I jumped up, only to see my laptop, sailing through the air! In that split second, I too was leaping across the room, not towards the laptop, oh no! But towards the Mouse! ……………..Too late! OMG! Too late!  The little tyke, had attached a length of rubber tubing to the upturned whisky bottle, and was leading the other end into ………………………..his hole! AAAAAAAAARRrrrrrrgh!…..In the moments that I was airborne, and before I landed on the now empty bottle, the mouse squeezed into his hole, I began to cry!  “Oh My God!…………Not the 20 year old “Dalwhinnie”…….Oh no!”  I was mortified. but what drove me to near insanity was what happened next!!  As my tears dropped upon the tiled floor, I caught a glimpse of, what can only be described as a mouse waving at me!  …………………To add insult to injury, when I checked the rest of my stash, it too had been appropriated!  
“I`ve been Robbed!”………I shouted….To no one in particular!  And so it was, that I began to lay my plans!
Let me tell you! This was War! All out war!………..Donning my best Mouse catching trousers, (those with tight ankle fit!)   I mulled over tactics.
Then it came to me!  The Rat poison!  Ah yes!   …….Total over kill!
Before the stroke of midnight, I had laid the bait, tightly sealed in small thin plastic bags, each one smeared in chocolate butter!  (they love chocolate!)   I banked up” Milly,” the stove, and went to bed.
In the morning?  There he/she was!  Job done!  The only down side to this carryon, is that my wife has left me.  She failed to understand, why a fully grown male, would be covered from head to toe in Chocolate butter, and wearing only a pair of tight fitting trousers!………With several empty whisky bottles on the floor!
I could see her point!   I did try to explain, but …………..to no avail. Now there is only me, a dead mouse, and empty whisky bottles.   Its true! ……………………Honestly!


  1. Uh huh. A likely story. I'm pretty sure the only disappearing whiskey was consumed before the writing of this story!

  2. Very funny -- with liberal embellishments I'm sure!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I cant say otherwise! But its all true! Really!!!!

  5. Wonderful yarn, Cheyenne. I'm more of a smiler than a laugher, but this made me laugh aloud...

    "Donning my best Mouse catching trousers, (those with tight ankle fit!)"