Friday, September 23, 2011

The Boot Lifted Open! (Aunty Jane Part 2)

As I said earlier, my Aunt Jane had arrived. Although she stayed for quite some time with me, here in this peaceful haven of rural England. Things were never quite the same.

My resumption of consciousness that day, brought with it many questions, not least, was the body in the boot!   “ `e tried ta stop me!” She croaked,  over the remains of a Brandy, intended for me, and although my hand was outstretched, I never got it!

“Who tried to stop you?” I retorted. “ `e did, that fella in the car, ya know, the big geezer!” ………….I, and Aunty Jane stood staring into the car`s boot. She was correct, he was big. “How on earth did you get him in the boot?” I asked. Jane replied, “ It were`nt easy, I can tell ya!  I jus told `im the loot wus in the boot, `e looked in, and wallop! back `o the `ead,  bish  bash  bosh! Job done!”   I stared at this apparent paragon of virtue. I couldnt decide if I was mad, or she was.  My next question was, “ What loot, Aunty Jane?”

Aunty Jane shot  me a look that told me she was about to confide some sinister tale. She began. “Well, its like this `in it, yer Uncle, had a partner, a partner in crime so to speak. Them two, were responsible for more jobs done in London, than Charlie Peace! Any way, your Uncle decided `eed  `ad   enough. Wanted out, but they fell out over it, `an they both went there seperate ways.  But as soon as matey boy `ere,  found out `bout yer Uncles demise, he wanted a share,  `an `e came lookin`!”

I bowed my head in thought, and stroked my chin, but had to ask, “Aunt Jane, what loot? Where is it? All you`ve got here is a body!”   She smiled, “its under `im! All of it, `e`s lyin` on it!  To `eavy to move, jus left `im there!”  Between the two of us we managed to move the now, very stiff body, from the boot.She wasnt joking! He weighed a ton!  “ Who is he anyway?” I casually asked.  “ `im? Ah,  `e`s a nobody” The reply rang alarm bells in my otherwise simple mind. “ Aunt Jane?……..Who is he?”

“Thats Johnny, Johnny Fingers!”  You could have heard a pin drop. My mouth went dry, my ears started to ring, and a small part of me puckered up!  “You`ve got Johnny Fingers in your car boot?” I screamed.  “Actually son, its not my car.”  …………She smiled that smile again. “So who`s bloody car is it?” I was losing it big time now. “No need to get all  airy `ated son, its only a motor!”  She was a master of understatement. “It belongs to a bloke from Russia! Said `e didnt need it for a few days, said I could `ave it.”  

By this time any ideas of money or whatever was in the boot had been pushed from my thoughts. Now there was a Russian connection! I tried to  calm down.  But I wasnt to be so lucky!

“ `ere! C`mon son,  gis  an `and  wiv  this bag!“   Aunt Jane was almost falling into the cars boot, struggling to retrieve whatever it was from the depths of the Merc.  Stepping forward I lent a hand. It was a large leather holdall, brown, and with a small padlock on the zip. “ Pass that there screwdriver son!”  She said, pointing to an old rusty screwdriver on the wall board. I did, and with deft hand movements, the bag  was open. I stared, inside was money, lots of money!…………………”Your Uncle  didnt like banks, always worried they wus gonna get knocked off! I got two more `o these `ere bags on the back seat.” With that casual aside, I whipped open the rear passenger door, it was true!  There was close to two million quid in those bags, I lost count after four hours!  It worked out that the money was in bundles of ten thousand.

The body still lay on the garage floor. What to do?………..” We could dig `an `ol?  `An shove `im in, know one need know any fin!”   No we couldnt, to dangerous.  “Wat about acid? or  me`be we could cut `im up?  Or we”……” Aunt Jane! I`m thinking, leave it out!”

It came to me in a flash!  “ Aunty Jane!” ……”yes dear?”……” here`s what we`re going to do!”


  1. I hope a good solution, bodies in a garage can get ripe

  2. Aunty Jane is a piece of work!

  3. Oh my word!!! You write such a good murder mystery!
    And it REALLY IS true??!! Whoa son!

  4. Now steady on folks, I dont want this to get out! .......Its taken me years to shake the cops off!

  5. You mean you really are an accomplice to murder, Cheyenne?